T.C. ambled into the kitchen last Monday morning, looking to begin his Sabbath with a hearty breakfast and examined the muffins on the stove.

He eyed them dubiously from each side and asked, ‘What are those?”.

His reticence to grab a muffin and pop it in his mouth wasn’t due to unmet breakfast expectations. No, he’s a burned man, recovering from the greatest of betrayals. Ever since VeggieGate 2008 where yours truly was implicated of sneaking sweet potato puree into chocolate fudge brownies mix to beef up it’s nutritional value, the Hubs has never truly trusted my baking.

“Chocolate chip muffins,” I said and went back to working on my computer.

“What’s in them?” he asked poking at one.

“Just chocolate chips.” I promised.

He waited a minute and then searched my face for subterfuge–apparently I passed.

“You know,” he said through a mouthful of veggie-free (sigh) muffin, “You could make a good muffin with some bacon and cheddar.”

Bacon and cheddar… I thought.

Where have I had bacon and cheddar baked in flaky goodness before?

My mind began thumbing through it’s breakfast experience rolodex:

Ah yes, IHop Halloween Face Pancakes with the kids–you were tasty, a bit sweet, but what are pancakes without a sucrose smack in the face? Candy corn and whip cream, you make an interesting couple, but you’re not bacon and cheddar so I must move on…

…well hello Mimosas and Gluten-free Blueberry Muffins with Jen to celebrate our kids’ first day of school. Yeah, you were an interesting combo–not sure if I can get down with gluten-free for the long haul, but Jen liked you, so you’ll stay as a top tier memory…moving right along…

…what’s that Chocolate Croissants after an overnight with T.C.? You want to be considered for the role of “average, down-to-earth breakfast fare”? Sorry, you’re a bit too elegant for the occasion. Bacon and cheddar have a certain humility about them that comes from their modest upbringing as farm boys. No, I’ll save you for the next overnight…promise. On to the next goodie…

…ah there you are Highrock Christmas Concert Cookies! How could I forget you with your warm, gooey, just-out-of-the oven allure? I totally remember you. I especially remember… the bacon and cheddar scones! Yes that wonderful combination of sweet corn, salty bacon, and the sharp, pungent flavor of the cheese takes me right back to the commons during the concert intermission.

From that moment on, I was determined to re-make those scones.

Now you see, I’m from the South and so my brain does this weird retranslate thing whenever I come across a non-Southern term. So:

-You all becomes “y’all” even if the person speaking has the furthest thing from a Southern accent.
-Soda or Pop becomes “coke” even if you’re talking about ginger ale, which, incidentally, I’ve only had here in New England.
-I’m about to, becomes “fixin'” even though fixing (spelled properly) is actually a verb meaning “to fix”, not a statement of intention.
-tea isn’t a hot drink served after dinner. No tea is a cold, tall, condensation slick glass of sweet nectar from the heavens.
-and a scone is simply a dressed up biscuit.

I know, I know, there are fine differences between the two that must be respected. I sure learned to respect them this week. I translated “cheddar bacon scone” for “cheddar bacon biscuit” and got this monstrosity.

I know it looks unassuming, but don’t let it fool you. This little biscuit here is floured regret! It’s dense and bland and SO not what I remembered.

I was so disappointed when it didn’t come out right. While mixing it up, I was bopping around my kitchen singing my own version of Rosemary Clooney’s sleeper hit made famous by the Chipmunks, “Come On-a To My House”

Come on a to my house I’m gonna make you biscuits. Come on a to my house I’m gonna give you a cheddar and some corn and a bacon galore!

Yeah…things didn’t go to plan. Maybe it’s the mix, maybe it’s the technique, maybe this little biscuit couldn’t handle the pressure of living up to my Highrock memory so it came out gross in protest. I’m not sure.

But, I’m not giving up. I’m gonna scour the internet for recipes. I’m gonna bug Soul Food Highrockers to give me their secrets. I’m gonna give the scone it’s due respect and try agin for next Sunday.

As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry (for bacon cheddar scones) again!

Don’t come-a to my house (yet) I’ve got a lot of fixin’ to do.