I was writing today’s post on Kristen Stewart and Forgiveness and I couldn’t keep my eyes opened, so….I’m going to bed y’all.  First thing tomorrow, I’m going to Starbucks and finishing up, “Forgiving Kristen Stewart For Ruining Twilight For Me”.  But for now, I’ll tell y’all about my awkward phone call to the tattoo parlor for a consultation.

So, this is my first tattoo, right?  I’m all kinds of nervous, not just about the pain, but being so out of my element during the actual procedure.   

When I visited the websites of a few local parlors, I realized all the artists were these hard-faced, tatted up individuals who I was sure would roll their eyes at a Valley Girl meet Whitley Gilbert sounding,  Vera Bradley bag carrying woman like me—who by the way, is getting a Christian tattoo.  Becoming the laughing stock of the shop is not on my Lenten agenda!

So, I did a little research and found a place that I hoped by virtue of their name, that they would have nice, non-eye rolling people in the employ. I decided to call Redemption Tattoo.  Cool, right?  

So here we go with the nearly verbatim transcript of my phone call:

I look up the number on my phone, tap it and off Siri goes calling the tattoo parlor.  Now all this time, my self talk is pumping me up,  

Self Talk:  preppy voice is a no-go and that accent get it under control, girl.  You are tough, you can handle the pain of a tattoo, you want this person to know he’s dealing with a strong, capable, hard chi—’

Dude: Redemption?

And I swear it’s Ben Affleck on the phone.  My brain fried for a minute. 

Self Talk: No, no he’s suppose to sound like one of the Dynasty Brothers or at least Owen Wilson. Yeah! Owen’s got that ‘laid back I don’t really care, but I kinda do” voice that would be perfect for a tattoo artist…What is Ben Affleck doing working at a tattoo parlor? You better answer this phone before he hangs up

Me:…well..yeah I was inquiring about booking a consultation for a tattoo… that I’d like to get…on my wrist. I’ve got a picture and everything and I can bring that in, so…

Self-talk: “inquiring about booking a consultation”?!?! What are you calling the Mac counter at Macy’s, weirdo?

Ben Affleck: Yeah we can do that. Do you have an artist in mind?

Weirdo Me: Uh…no!  Was I suppose to?  I mean I’ve never gotten a tattoo before so I didn’t know who to choose. I just thought  (mocking myself) ‘I’ll stop by and talk to whoever is there’, but if I need to choose can I call you back after I’ve studied your site?

Self-talk: “studied your site?” This isn’t college, honey!  Wow.  And you so over-share when you’re nervous

Ben: It’s cool. Just come on in when you get a chance and one of us can talk to you.

Over-sharing ‘Sheta: Well, I’m actually in my car right now, so if someone’s there and can talk to me, that be cool. But…I understand if it’s too last minute, I can call back.

Self-talk: stop being a people-pleaser! Really, lady!

(It’s true,  I tend to be a people pleaser, even when making appointments.  “No, no doctor when do *you* have time to see me during this lung hacking, snotting, and infecting my little people cold? Next week?  Sure, I think most of us will be alive then.  Thanks, bye!”)

Ben:  No, come on over and we’ll help you out.

People Pleasing O: Awesome! (no don’t slip into prep now!) I’ll see y’all in a bit.

Self-talk: dang you woman! Now your Southern accent is back..we’re doomed! So help me Id,  they better not expect us to get a tattoo of an antebellum parasol.

I hit end on my phone, visited the parlor, met “Ben” who was tatted up, but also super nice and helpful.  Now I’m deciding if I’m going there or to another parlor in the area.  

But, this whole consultation experience has taught me three things:

  • my self talk is a bit snarky, she needs a nap or something.  
  • I need to embrace myself just the way I am— Southern accent, Vera bag carrying, tattoo virgin and all.  I’m sure it’ll save me some heartache in the future and it’ll also help me save face on the phone :).
  • I need to practice rejecting stereotypes— not only because they are mostly untrue, but  they assist in creating narratives that only cause division and suspicion, not unity and authenticity.

Ok, I’m done.  Like, so ready for my bed.  I’ll post tomorrow on Kristen Stewart and forgiveness   It’ll be fun, goofy, and encouraging…I hope.  That is unless my snarky Self-talk prevents me from pressing past this writer’s block which I’m pretty sure is contributing to my general state of tired “blah”.

Love Y’all,

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